A FAILED MAN - 126

Somebody
please understand
although My Intentions
were good
to de ... Pickney Dem de’Young Bloods
I never
always - provided
an’ heaven knows
to Their Mothers
I’ve given
many - a sleepless nights
given many ... a sleepless nights, sleepless nights.
But, if I could open
the pages
of My Mind
and one - could feel
the beats
of My Heart
the world
would know
from - My - point-of-view
I wanted
so much
to be
that - perfect Man
a Father, a mighty Provider
a Shoulder, a~a~a Lover
a Painter of Mine Own Collage
an~n~nd a ... Friend
Father and ... a Friend, Friend.
But somewhere - somehow unexplainable
I got lost
on Life’s tracks
I had My Hands out
but no-one took them
I opened
My Eyes to see
but the way was clouded
an’ I made out nothing
although I tried - persistently

I’ve tried
so hard ... to place
My every - daring Steps
but someone - something - some feared phobia
keeps moving and water-colouring
the pebble stones
which mark the right - pathway
mark the right ... pathway, pathway.

Now ... here I stand
a shell of-a-Man
I have
so~o~o … much pride an’ boastfulness
I show
no shame - although
in My Mind
I’m tearing Myself
apart - with blame
for I ... wanted so -- to leave
for My Lovers and Future Ones
A - BETTER - WAY
for I wanted so~o~o
to be - a perfect Man
a Daddy, an impressive Bringer
a Guiding hand, a~a~a Sweetheart
an Artist of Mine Own Perplexity
and ... a Buddy
Friend and ... a Buddy, Buddy.

Somebody
please understand
an’ don’t label Me --
A - FAILED - MAN
an’ don’t label Me --
A - FAILED - MAN
no! no! no!
fe’de Pickney Dem sake de’Young Bloods
and the Egotism that feeds I
you - don’t label Me - a DISAPPOINTMENT
don’t distress I ... in the statue of a FIASCO
don’t look at I ... in the status of DISGUST
don’t glance disenchantment at My Presence
you - don’t label Me - a FAILURE.

I’ve had to
deal with ‘man’
humankind and their
ways and dreams
and because the Determination
of My unbendable Modesty
has ALWAYS brought a-shame
to their distrust - in I
and they are STILL entrapped
in their - lack of
knowledge - untraveled and inexperienced psyche
as to why I Step
My next awakened Dream
they’re “a-choken” on CUPIDITY’S vomit
so within the company
of hate an’ grudge-fullness
they’re plastering I Ways
with bad-vibes and resentment - as
in jealousy their dreams nightmare on envy
are to have I
give-up in the misery
of complacency an’ feel-sorry-for -- with them
instead: by the drudgery of not givin’-up
I’m determined to be
I - Somebody - consequently
I forge on in I Dreams
with nothing else to lose
and the realities to manifest
for My surging Future
so I look forward to
the spoiling - MAD
of My - Grand Ones
the spoiling - MAD
of My - Future - as
I wanted
so much
to be
that - perfect Man
a Papa, a mighty Provider
a Backbone, a~a~a Beloved
a Dancer of Mine Own Confusion
and a Companion
Dancer and ... a Companion, Companion.

It’s not on alleluia’s faith
nor a glass-eyed follow
after another’s fading ripples
but a determination
for My Pickney’s Survival
why ...
that’s why
I must STILL go on --
so as I pass ... a’de by
oh somebody please
I am the FIRST to acknowledge
Mine Own Hypocrisy
the FIRST to acknowledge
the hypocrisy - I live
as STILL - I beckon
I’m the River-by
I flow to fertilize
your pondering quest
questing as to why
We both seek an answer
as to why ...
but ‘cross’ I - and
an’ I’ll suck de’livin’ daylights
don’t mess wid dis Dread
a PRODUCT Aloysius Bad-Bwoy from Marvely
of an environment
a Dreamer Derelda Walker’s Grand Son
who lives by the realities of
Mine Own - Nightmares
knows that
Life is never lived
until your grand-ones - EAT
until your future leans on
to survive from your
working hands
so~o~o ... for the things I Meditate
somebody
please understand
an’ don’t label Me --
A - FAILED - MAN
please understand
an’ don’t label Me --
A - FAILED - MAN.

Somebody
please understand
although My Intentions
were good
to de ... Pickney Dem de’Young Bloods
I never
always - provided
an’ heaven knows
to Their Mothers
I’ve given
many - a sleepless nights
and so - many have chosen disappointment
to label My Presence
as I waged
a burdened responsibility
to listen humbly
without the arrogance of Mine Own Egotism
whilst stepping “boastedily”
in My admitted Ignorance
as ... of the lifeboat
not only am I captain and crew
I’m its lone rescued … Survivor
lone rescued … Survivor, Survivor.
But -- if I could ... from
My - point-of-view
share My Intent
to be
that - perfect Man
a Father, a reliable Source
a Partner, a~a~a Precious
a Praying partner and a Champion
then somebody
you would see ...
De’Blood~Klaat Obeah - Anthony
Obeah Akkompong - Leonard
Akkompong to Pussy~Klaat - Pierre
you would see ...
De’Blood~Klaat Obeah Akkompong to Bumbo~Klaat
Anthony Leonard “Aloysius” ... Pierre
is I - is I - is I ... I.
Derelda Walker’s Grand Son - Donald Pierre’s Bwoy
a’ wyan’a Da~Da’s Bwoy - de’wyan who gu’wey a-america
wid ‘Im Mod’da - Prame Myrtle Reid - seen.